Horses and Why I Love Them So Much.

Above: Toby and Me.

Below: A collection of some of the watercolor paintings I have done inspired by the horses I have worked with.

Artwork Images Copyright Julianna Zito

The last two photos feature Rosie and Me and Rosie and her herd.

Equine Assisted Therapy

I often share candidly what therapy has done to help me heal. Being open about this part of my life has opened the gates for a deeper connection with myself and with the people I love, especially my children. Over the past 2 decades, (yes, 20 years!) I have worked with more than 15 different therapists and psychiatrists to overcome severe depression, severe anxiety, and complex PTSD. This long and complicated journey has brought me to a place where, at the present, I no longer need antidepressants or anti-psychotic medications to cope with my long history of trauma. I now have learned/earned coping skills that allow me to finally, thrive, not just survive. I am so very proud of this progress and yet, I still have a long way to go. Depression and anxiety and PTSD never disappear…. triggers and life’s challenges will always bring these default patterns back to the present. All the more reason, I think it’s important to share these stories, because if nothing else, I want to share that it is POSSIBLE to heal and find your way to the other side of debilitating mental health struggles. To thrive in spite of them, with them, and keep going, keep learning, keep practicing how to find and choose joy, even if it feels impossible at times.

One of the most significant contributions to my success has been working with horses. I didn’t know I was a “horse girl” until I was in my 40’s! Most “horse people” know this about themselves in early childhood, so I’m late to the game, but I believe this is just when I was meant to learn this about myself. Now that I know this, I will be forever thankful to these magnificent creatures and will spend the rest of my days pursuing a connection with equine companions.

For the past 2 years I have had the privilege of working with a gifted therapist who includes horses in the healing process. I meet weekly with my therapist in an office to work on healing from complex trauma. We also meet weekly at a barn to put what we learn in the office into practice, experientially, interacting with a horse. The horse in this photo is Toby, we worked together for over a year. As what we are working on changes, so the horse that I work with changes. Recently I have been working with a gorgeous dynamic mare named, Rosie.

It is in my humble opinion that I will share a little of what I have learned so far. I use the phrase, “for me”, a lot, because I am not an equine professional, so this is a very personal/subjective experience.

For me, the gift of working with a horse, has been their honesty in showing me whether my energy is inviting or uninviting. Most horses prefer Calm humans. But, being Calm on the Outside AND on the Inside at the same time … is something special, something that for me, has historically been very, very difficult. For me, PTSD along with the deep desire to be accepted, liked, loved, has taught me how to ACT calm to win approval and affection while actually being terrified, anxious, even rageful, on the inside …and here’s the kicker, doing so without even knowing I was/am doing so.

In my experience, a horse will draw near if you are calm and centered and congruent. They will avoid or ignore or even sometimes chase you out of the arena, if you are unsettled, unregulated, incongruent. What does this mean? If your energy is authentic, meaning that what you are presenting on the outside is also what you are feeling on the inside, you are said to be congruent. If you are trying to hide emotions and portray something different from what you are really feeling on the inside then your energy is said to be incongruent. A horse will perceive you as safe and even inviting when you are authentically being present AND Calm, on the inside and out - regulated, centered … congruent.

One must be reminded that horses are prey animals, even though they are much stronger and larger than us, they are still neurologically wired Prey - Constantly vigilant, always on high alert for predators, always sensitive to a myriad of signals that our human senses can’t even detect. One thing a predator does is hide and pretend to be calm, just before they strike. This is the perfect example of incongruent energy. And exactly what horses are wired to detect looooong before our human senses are capable of detecting. Which is why, a human Acting calm will never fool a horse.

So, I shyly admit, there have been more sessions where the horse is ignoring and avoiding me, than sessions full of connection. But every session, is full of learning. Experiences that amplify what we uncover in office sessions. Mostly, what I have learned, is how to FEEL my own energy and slowly, learn how to purposefully adjust my energy … from unregulated and incongruent… to regulated calm centered and congruent. What does this look like you wonder … well … often I show up for the barn sessions excited and full of anticipation to interact with the horse … like a little girl just dying to pet the big soft animal and briad the beautiful mane. While inside I am terrified and worried they won’t want to come near me because I’m an anxious mess about other life circumstances that I’m trying desperately to contain or ignore or pretend I’m not feeling on the inside. On the outside I am acting happy, acting calm, acting “put together” … inside I just feel like falling in a hay pile and crying for an hour. Eventually I have learned to trust my therapist enough to just admit this up front …. We usually take a walk … sometimes arm in arm … regulating … bi-lateral movements … left-right-left-right foot steps …. around the arena, just breathing and noticing what my body is trying to tell me … usually tears come and usually they go … and in about 5-10 minutes of co-regulating with my therapist or self-regulating … my body settles, my breathing slows, my heart rate slows, and my monkey-mind chatter quiets, I can smell the turf, absorb the barn presence, hear the horse munching, the birds in the rafters, the breeze blowing … and I am ready … ready to be honestly me, still sad, still anxious, but no longer trying to pretend not to be. Every single time I settle into myself, sad but here, anxious, but here, crying but here, just taking in the moment for what it is and letting go of trying so hard to be what I Think I Should Be …the horse will draw close to me … often just standing near and welcoming my touch, sometimes even resting a muzzle on my shoulder, or leaning in to me as I scratch “the spot”. Letting my tears fall in gratitude of being seen and accepted, soothing each other, meeting each other in the now, just as we are … no acting, no pretending, just being … here … now.

That’s REAL magic, folks. As someone who spent the first 3 decades of my life in a constant state of hyper-vigilance, pretending to be calm, while hoping no one will notice the twitching and fidgeting because I am fighting horrors in my mind as if it were happening in the present, even though that present was just grocery shopping, or chatting at dinner, or napping on the couch …. Being in the moment - Safe AND Calm … is pure REAL Magic.

Two decades of therapy, thousands of dollars in prescriptions, hundreds of ruined relationships and physical and emotional scars … a horse will tell you …all of that is real, but all of that was then … and this …is … now … and you … are ok … right now.

I hold on to these moments like gold. And I replay those moments when things “go sideways” and they bring me peace. And I keep going, keep learning, keep practicing.

I am living proof that it is POSSIBLE to find your way to the other side of debilitating mental health struggles - the one thing you have to dare to do - is ask for help.

If you’re lucky, that help might come in horse form.

If the idea of horse therapy intrigues you, I encourage to learn more about Natural Lifemanship. When it comes to the human-horse relationship - there’s the old school Cowboy way, there’s the Horesmanship way, and then there’s the Natural Lifemanship way. The old school ways were focused on dominating. Horsemanship is a more evolved practice of working with the horse. Natural Lifemanship takes it to an even higher level by focusing on partnering with the horse and building connection first before requesting any work from the horse. It’s often said, “the slow way is the fast way” with horses … and Natural Lifemanship could arguably be the “slowest way” and therefore ignored by many, often for the main costly reason to redirect ingrained old school ways - but - like the majority of modern parents who have put corporal punishment long behind us, so too is it possible for stewards of all living creatures to unlearn dominance and redirect efforts toward first investing in earning a connection based relationship with every living creature in our care. Especially now that we can prove the LONG term benefits far, far outweigh the lasting trauma of “breaking” a spirit to dominate, be it a child or any other living creature. I dare to dream of a world where this concept of choosing connection first was applied to all our modern ways.

Recommended Reading

When it comes to recommended reading on the subject, Linda Kohanov, EponaQuest.com, is my favorite. She has been talking about this connection with equine companions for decades, thankfully science is starting to catch up. If you really want to learn more about how our brains work, dig into the polyvagal theory with Dr. Rebecca Bailey and expect to have your mind blown. If you enjoy listening to books, Riding Home and Chosen by a Horse are even better in audiobook form.

More Equine Education - Link to these books and more!